Today is our final day in Ensenada, Mexico and we're getting ready to leave. It's been a hectic few days, but the Lord is so kind and faithful to meet our needs as they come. Seemingly last minute, we got a big 12 passenger van that fits all of us as well as our belongings. It's such a blessing and we know God orchestrated the deal for us. Even more than the sweet deal on the van, God did something eternal...He restored a relationship. I won't go into details here, but I'll say that bitterness was turned into love in the midst of working out the van thing. Incredible! Only God.
Well, I really wanted to write, because this morning as I had a few minutes in the Word before the girls woke up, I opened up to Luke 2....the birth of Jesus. Lately I've been thinking of Mary and how toward the end of her pregnancy with Jesus, her and Joseph had to make a long trip traveling across the country, and I thought for just a moment, how I could sort of relate to her in that way. That was until this morning when I read the account in the Word.
Verses 6 and 7 say this.... "And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. She gave birth to her first child, a son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them."
Now as I pondered that, I realized that I can't relate to Mary AT ALL! I have a van tons of belongings for my family including some nice clothes and blankets for my daughter, Galia Elizabeth, who isn't even born yet. We have a huge box of coloring books, school supplies and toys that we're able to bring with us for the other 3 girls, besides a suitcase full of their clothes. I'm even able to bring things that I didn't think would make the trip, like my sewing machine.
I also began to think about all the friends we will be stopping and staying with along our journey across the country and what generosity and hospitality they are offering us before we've even left Mexico. And I thought about the place where we will be for me to deliver the baby in Illinois. I've said many times that it's the "ideal" situation for us, and I still believe it is. I was extremely humbled and sobered and sad and happy all at the same time when I realized that the Lord came as a baby and was born and laid in a manger because there was no other place for him and his parents. He was wrapped in pieces of material while I have 'nice' clothes and for my baby. Even when we get to Haiti, there is already a crib, highchair, swing and tons of other baby gear and house furniture waiting for us there. I'm humbled literally to tears at the thought of my King's generosity and love for me and my family, all while He had the lowest of options for himself. My journey doesn't compare to Mary's, and really, I'm thankful. I'm thankful that although we're not owed anything good at all in this life, we have been given so much good...even beyond our necessities, He gives us so many comforts. I'm thankful that we're learning to not be greedy and have the mentality of entitlement and rights, but He shows us how to be humble and tender...like Himself. God is so good and generous. I love Him.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Sunday, March 31, 2013
New Beginnings
Isaiah 41:10
"So don't not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - NIV
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not look anxiously about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." NASB
Yes, I wrote that verse out in 2 different translations, because this verse is a big deal anyways, but it especially is right now. Our family is at the end of our journey here in Ensenada, Mexico and we're about to start another adventure.
I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant and the Lord is suddenly transitioning us out of here. I say suddenly because although we've knew that we would end up in Haiti at some point, we just weren't expecting it right now. We were praying about where in the US we could go to deliver our 4th baby girl for several reasons including practical/personal choices as well as legal/document issues for the baby. As plans were moving forward for us to end up in Florida to have her, several possible opportunities came up for us in Haiti. At first it was a little confusing and frustrating because we were just trying to figure out baby logistics and then come back 'home' to Mexico. We weren't feeling any sort of movement or transition, but obviously God's ways aren't our ways!
This isn't the first time that the Lord leads us in this way....relatively quick, timing wise. But we're learning how great it is and so beneficial for our history with God, to trust Him when he says 'GO.' And He's so gracious in teaching and leading us. Never pushy, but rather speaking just loud enough for us to know it's His voice....and we can choose to be obedient and trust, or not. And it's ok and even good, to ask for confirmations when He's guiding in certain direction. So, only by His grace have we chosen to be obedient to His lead and confirmations. There's an awesome history of being led by our God on an incredible journey so far.
It's a bittersweet thing for us to leave Mexico. For almost 2 years, we've been here facilitating and leading a home church. It was completely non-existent when we arrived. We only knew 1 couple. And now, we're surrounded by an amazing community of believers, who we have such love for! Every Sunday, between 20 and 40 people show up at our house with something to share for our potluck. After the singing and teaching, we all eat together and are 'family' together. We joke, laugh, talk and pray while our kids play together. I know of blood relatives who do the Sunday dinner thing where they get together each Sunday to keep the family bonds going. Well, that's exactly what has happened with us only in the name of Jesus! :)
Baja Fellowship is a family of believers who are all in Mexico for the same reason...to serve our King. Different ministries are represented and the people come from all over the globe, but God has brought everyone to this place at the same time and gave us each other for this season. I believe the Lord's purposes are so much bigger than our little human minds can comprehend, and wouldn't be surprised one bit if many of our paths crossed again in the future. For now, we leave our love and blessings here while we journey on.
So at this point all we know is that we're headed for Haiti! There are several things we're waiting on including where exactly we'll land to work and live. {Nothing big, ha!} Currently, we're hoping specifically for a job at a school and also discipleship work with a friend. Work with Theo's dad is sure to happen as well, and of course we get all giddy at the thought of facilitating another house church! We're praying all along the way, that our hearts won't be anxious and that we'll continue to trust Him despite not having concrete answers yet. I'm in 'nesting mode' with our baby due soon and everything that's happening is totally opposite of what I feel should be happening in the practical sense. Our house is becoming more and more empty of everything and I'm moving away from the people I've been closest to for the last 2 years. This is the bitter part of bittersweet.
It seems the Lord is moving us out of Mexico fairly quickly, but not taking us directly to Haiti. We will be driving across the country, making several stops along the way to visit friends and supporters. The trek, including stops will take an entire month, at least, and it's looking more like we'll have the baby in the states rather than Haiti, but we'll see how the journey goes. No matter what, we just want to be where God wants us and to be flexible to His leading.
It's been interesting to learn the balance of "responsible planning" and the actual acts of obedience to God and faith when He says something. Not that God would necessarily strike us dead if we didn't follow His lead, but oh how we would miss out on His goodness and true adventure! It comes with a cost though. Not having all your 'ducks in a row' can come off as out of order or irresponsible to some, but to us, learning to heed the voice of God and just obey Him and trust Him rather than try to justify why we shouldn't are way more important and wise than having any ducks in a row. This IS having our ducks in a row.
Now, I say that in small part to remind myself that this truly is the better way to live! Trusting that this wild ride of a life we live is best. {Because who wants good when you can have best?!} In no way, shape or form are we saying anything about perfection. I'm saying we've asked that God would lead us into His perfect will for our lives and to give us the grace to follow His lead through it.
Now this is where we're at right now. We're planning on leaving Mexico in about a week and a half...around April 10th. {3 weeks ago we knew nothing about moving away!} We will stop in Colorado with good friends for a couple of days, then move on to Kansas City, MO for a few days as well. After that we'll head to Illinois to stay with a family that is family to us. After IL, we'll head down to Alabama, Georgia, then Florida. After all that, we'll fly to Haiti. The time spent in each location is what we're working on now. It's not just a single over night stay in any of these places because we have 'closer than a brother' relationships across the country. We couldn't imagine passing them all by when we have to get across the country anyways. We're seeing it not only as an opportunity to nurture these friendships, but possible opportunities to raise funds before our big move and lastly to rest and have some family time before we welcome a 4th little girl into our brood and start life in Haiti. We're excited and so grateful for God's kindness.
If you've ever done a local move from 1 house to another, or if you've ever had a baby, or ever changed jobs, you know all the details and things you have to think about with each of those. So many little things that actually matter!! Well, we get to experience all of those things at once! Plus some. Three little girls excited to have another baby with us, driving across the country in a somewhat unreliable van, ultimately moving to a 3rd world country with an extra long road trip of sorts along the way...getting rid of mostly all we own only to start again in that 3rd world country {housing/furniture/car, etc}...and needing to come up with ALOT of money asap!
That is why I wrote out the verse {twice!} that I did in the beginning of this post. I need the reminders not to fear. I need to remind myself of the amazing history I have with the Lord so I can continue to trust Him. I need His grace and I need your prayers.
That's the scoop on us! :)
Lots of Love & Blessings...
Melissa
"So don't not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - NIV
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not look anxiously about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." NASB
Yes, I wrote that verse out in 2 different translations, because this verse is a big deal anyways, but it especially is right now. Our family is at the end of our journey here in Ensenada, Mexico and we're about to start another adventure.
I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant and the Lord is suddenly transitioning us out of here. I say suddenly because although we've knew that we would end up in Haiti at some point, we just weren't expecting it right now. We were praying about where in the US we could go to deliver our 4th baby girl for several reasons including practical/personal choices as well as legal/document issues for the baby. As plans were moving forward for us to end up in Florida to have her, several possible opportunities came up for us in Haiti. At first it was a little confusing and frustrating because we were just trying to figure out baby logistics and then come back 'home' to Mexico. We weren't feeling any sort of movement or transition, but obviously God's ways aren't our ways!
This isn't the first time that the Lord leads us in this way....relatively quick, timing wise. But we're learning how great it is and so beneficial for our history with God, to trust Him when he says 'GO.' And He's so gracious in teaching and leading us. Never pushy, but rather speaking just loud enough for us to know it's His voice....and we can choose to be obedient and trust, or not. And it's ok and even good, to ask for confirmations when He's guiding in certain direction. So, only by His grace have we chosen to be obedient to His lead and confirmations. There's an awesome history of being led by our God on an incredible journey so far.
It's a bittersweet thing for us to leave Mexico. For almost 2 years, we've been here facilitating and leading a home church. It was completely non-existent when we arrived. We only knew 1 couple. And now, we're surrounded by an amazing community of believers, who we have such love for! Every Sunday, between 20 and 40 people show up at our house with something to share for our potluck. After the singing and teaching, we all eat together and are 'family' together. We joke, laugh, talk and pray while our kids play together. I know of blood relatives who do the Sunday dinner thing where they get together each Sunday to keep the family bonds going. Well, that's exactly what has happened with us only in the name of Jesus! :)
Baja Fellowship is a family of believers who are all in Mexico for the same reason...to serve our King. Different ministries are represented and the people come from all over the globe, but God has brought everyone to this place at the same time and gave us each other for this season. I believe the Lord's purposes are so much bigger than our little human minds can comprehend, and wouldn't be surprised one bit if many of our paths crossed again in the future. For now, we leave our love and blessings here while we journey on.
So at this point all we know is that we're headed for Haiti! There are several things we're waiting on including where exactly we'll land to work and live. {Nothing big, ha!} Currently, we're hoping specifically for a job at a school and also discipleship work with a friend. Work with Theo's dad is sure to happen as well, and of course we get all giddy at the thought of facilitating another house church! We're praying all along the way, that our hearts won't be anxious and that we'll continue to trust Him despite not having concrete answers yet. I'm in 'nesting mode' with our baby due soon and everything that's happening is totally opposite of what I feel should be happening in the practical sense. Our house is becoming more and more empty of everything and I'm moving away from the people I've been closest to for the last 2 years. This is the bitter part of bittersweet.
It seems the Lord is moving us out of Mexico fairly quickly, but not taking us directly to Haiti. We will be driving across the country, making several stops along the way to visit friends and supporters. The trek, including stops will take an entire month, at least, and it's looking more like we'll have the baby in the states rather than Haiti, but we'll see how the journey goes. No matter what, we just want to be where God wants us and to be flexible to His leading.
It's been interesting to learn the balance of "responsible planning" and the actual acts of obedience to God and faith when He says something. Not that God would necessarily strike us dead if we didn't follow His lead, but oh how we would miss out on His goodness and true adventure! It comes with a cost though. Not having all your 'ducks in a row' can come off as out of order or irresponsible to some, but to us, learning to heed the voice of God and just obey Him and trust Him rather than try to justify why we shouldn't are way more important and wise than having any ducks in a row. This IS having our ducks in a row.
Now, I say that in small part to remind myself that this truly is the better way to live! Trusting that this wild ride of a life we live is best. {Because who wants good when you can have best?!} In no way, shape or form are we saying anything about perfection. I'm saying we've asked that God would lead us into His perfect will for our lives and to give us the grace to follow His lead through it.
Now this is where we're at right now. We're planning on leaving Mexico in about a week and a half...around April 10th. {3 weeks ago we knew nothing about moving away!} We will stop in Colorado with good friends for a couple of days, then move on to Kansas City, MO for a few days as well. After that we'll head to Illinois to stay with a family that is family to us. After IL, we'll head down to Alabama, Georgia, then Florida. After all that, we'll fly to Haiti. The time spent in each location is what we're working on now. It's not just a single over night stay in any of these places because we have 'closer than a brother' relationships across the country. We couldn't imagine passing them all by when we have to get across the country anyways. We're seeing it not only as an opportunity to nurture these friendships, but possible opportunities to raise funds before our big move and lastly to rest and have some family time before we welcome a 4th little girl into our brood and start life in Haiti. We're excited and so grateful for God's kindness.
If you've ever done a local move from 1 house to another, or if you've ever had a baby, or ever changed jobs, you know all the details and things you have to think about with each of those. So many little things that actually matter!! Well, we get to experience all of those things at once! Plus some. Three little girls excited to have another baby with us, driving across the country in a somewhat unreliable van, ultimately moving to a 3rd world country with an extra long road trip of sorts along the way...getting rid of mostly all we own only to start again in that 3rd world country {housing/furniture/car, etc}...and needing to come up with ALOT of money asap!
That is why I wrote out the verse {twice!} that I did in the beginning of this post. I need the reminders not to fear. I need to remind myself of the amazing history I have with the Lord so I can continue to trust Him. I need His grace and I need your prayers.
That's the scoop on us! :)
Lots of Love & Blessings...
Melissa
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Galatians 5:6b
The second part of Galatians 5:6 was used powerfully by the Holy Spirit the other morning when I was doing the dishes. I was thinking about someone in my life that I'm sort of having a hard time with.
I "love" this person so much but there are certain aspects of character that make me pull back and think not-so-loving, and rather critical thoughts about them. And it's hard to speak about it because I think everyone may have a person {or more than 1} that they can relate to like this, but I don't want to make it seem OK on my part, because it's not. It's not OK to not love, if you claim Christ as your Lord and Savior.
But I'm learning that 'love' is a funny word that is used so carelessly these days. I mean, I can say 'I love my husband' and 'I love pizza' in the same conversation and although most would assume I actually do LOVE my husband and I just really enjoy pizza, we use the same word for both so the power and intensity of the word is becoming dull and doesn't give it's full effect.
So what does love really mean? Especially in the context of Galatians 5:6? How do we show our faith in God via loving people? Is it just being nice to them? Anyone can do that- even non believers are nice to their friends. Isn't it more than just saying the words 'I love you' to a person?
As the Lord showed me this verse directly in context to the person I was not being very loving to {in my own thoughts, not outwardly!}- I had to ask myself a hard question...
'Do I actually, really, truly LOVE this person or do I have a sentimental or emotional connection to them so that I say and maybe even think that I love them, without real love being there??' Because I can care about a person to a certain level and not actually love them. But what happens when you've used the term 'love' for so long and realize you don't actually have a genuine love for them at all?
Now- let's get something clear- I DO have a genuine love for this person, AND that sentimental thing I was talking about. So things can get a little grey. And I do believe that emotions are good and are given to us from God to be blessed by and controlled properly. But when we're run by our emotions rather than genuine characteristics that we receive by God {such as His love} then we get into problems. Self-control of our emotions is of huge importance, and the Word talks to us about worshiping God in spirit and truth {John 4:24}...which means our whole lives {emotions included!} should be lived and led by the Holy Spirit and in truth. So basically I'm just saying- worldly, human love is different than godly, Holy Spirit love. And the Spirit teaching us how to love His way, is a learned and practiced thing.
So my next question to the Lord was, 'Then how do I love the people that you've given me to love?' What do I do? Especially since I'm geographically so far from the majority of the people I know? And He said,
So we should die for people if we really love them...yes. And here's how. Our lives in Christ are to be more and more selfless as we go on. For the most part, most of us aren't literally going to die for any of our friends, but for those that we say we love, we should and can take time out of our self focused lives and pray for them. And I mean that in a consistent and concentrated way, not just a quick prayer because they got the flu one time and asked for a quick recovery.
For me, managing my household, including raising 3 young kids and gearing up for a 4th, plus serving the Lord outside our home is a very very time consuming life. But if I say I love a person, it's power comes when I MAKE TIME to come before the King of all Kings on their behalf, just as Jesus does for us. To pray for His love to consume them...for His protection...for His transforming power in their lives...for their families... their health... and even when we see sin or faults- for the Lord's mercy on them. There are countless things we can always be praying for and that's true love. And believe me, it truly takes a laying down of my life to actually pray for others that way and not just to tell them I love them or that I'll be praying for them and instead letting myself be consumed with my own life and interests. And amazingly enough, I notice that for those who I do consistently pray for, my genuine love for them grows! It's the Holy Spirit love at work and not just my human affection love working.
I don't want my word love to be weak, like saying 'I love pizza' and just a careless or sentimental thing. I want my word love to be attached to the power of God. Let the pizza and other things get their proper word such as 'I like pizza' or 'I enjoy ______.' And let's love each other like we mean it. Let's pray!
"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."
That's what the Lord said to me about the situation. Um... ok, but I do love this person so my faith is being expressed, right? Well, sort of. But the thing is God looks at the thoughts and intentions of the heart, not only outward things. And in my mind, where only He can see, I wasn't being so loving.
I "love" this person so much but there are certain aspects of character that make me pull back and think not-so-loving, and rather critical thoughts about them. And it's hard to speak about it because I think everyone may have a person {or more than 1} that they can relate to like this, but I don't want to make it seem OK on my part, because it's not. It's not OK to not love, if you claim Christ as your Lord and Savior.
But I'm learning that 'love' is a funny word that is used so carelessly these days. I mean, I can say 'I love my husband' and 'I love pizza' in the same conversation and although most would assume I actually do LOVE my husband and I just really enjoy pizza, we use the same word for both so the power and intensity of the word is becoming dull and doesn't give it's full effect.
So what does love really mean? Especially in the context of Galatians 5:6? How do we show our faith in God via loving people? Is it just being nice to them? Anyone can do that- even non believers are nice to their friends. Isn't it more than just saying the words 'I love you' to a person?
As the Lord showed me this verse directly in context to the person I was not being very loving to {in my own thoughts, not outwardly!}- I had to ask myself a hard question...
'Do I actually, really, truly LOVE this person or do I have a sentimental or emotional connection to them so that I say and maybe even think that I love them, without real love being there??' Because I can care about a person to a certain level and not actually love them. But what happens when you've used the term 'love' for so long and realize you don't actually have a genuine love for them at all?
Now- let's get something clear- I DO have a genuine love for this person, AND that sentimental thing I was talking about. So things can get a little grey. And I do believe that emotions are good and are given to us from God to be blessed by and controlled properly. But when we're run by our emotions rather than genuine characteristics that we receive by God {such as His love} then we get into problems. Self-control of our emotions is of huge importance, and the Word talks to us about worshiping God in spirit and truth {John 4:24}...which means our whole lives {emotions included!} should be lived and led by the Holy Spirit and in truth. So basically I'm just saying- worldly, human love is different than godly, Holy Spirit love. And the Spirit teaching us how to love His way, is a learned and practiced thing.
So my next question to the Lord was, 'Then how do I love the people that you've given me to love?' What do I do? Especially since I'm geographically so far from the majority of the people I know? And He said,
"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for his friends. " John 15:13
So we should die for people if we really love them...yes. And here's how. Our lives in Christ are to be more and more selfless as we go on. For the most part, most of us aren't literally going to die for any of our friends, but for those that we say we love, we should and can take time out of our self focused lives and pray for them. And I mean that in a consistent and concentrated way, not just a quick prayer because they got the flu one time and asked for a quick recovery.
Romans 8:34 says "Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died- more than that, who was raised- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us."
and
1 Peter 4:8 says "Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins."
For me, managing my household, including raising 3 young kids and gearing up for a 4th, plus serving the Lord outside our home is a very very time consuming life. But if I say I love a person, it's power comes when I MAKE TIME to come before the King of all Kings on their behalf, just as Jesus does for us. To pray for His love to consume them...for His protection...for His transforming power in their lives...for their families... their health... and even when we see sin or faults- for the Lord's mercy on them. There are countless things we can always be praying for and that's true love. And believe me, it truly takes a laying down of my life to actually pray for others that way and not just to tell them I love them or that I'll be praying for them and instead letting myself be consumed with my own life and interests. And amazingly enough, I notice that for those who I do consistently pray for, my genuine love for them grows! It's the Holy Spirit love at work and not just my human affection love working.
I don't want my word love to be weak, like saying 'I love pizza' and just a careless or sentimental thing. I want my word love to be attached to the power of God. Let the pizza and other things get their proper word such as 'I like pizza' or 'I enjoy ______.' And let's love each other like we mean it. Let's pray!
Monday, January 14, 2013
I've been delivered from death!
Sounds like an extreme title for a post, but it's the absolute truth. No, I didn't have a physical near death experience...but I definitely was having a sort of extended near death spiritual experience. The experience is called laziness. I wrote about it in my previous post about how a few weeks ago the Lord had mercy on me and had me make some changes in my life. They were seemingly simple changes, but they've had huge implications on what my daily life looks like.
Now, let me explain that for years, I've struggled with anxiety and fear of impending death to my husband, children or even myself. I was absolutely sure that I was about to experience a traumatic/death experience with one of these people that's the closest to my heart. I can't count how many hours of sleep I've lost over it. Sometimes, the thought would quickly enter my mind and I had absolutely no control over it and would just burst into tears! The day would be beautiful...all was well...nothing negative happening, and suddenly the fear would strike and the panic was on. This was truly torture and there was no sensible explanation for this irrational fear. And trying to explain it all here, wouldn't even do justice to the extremely depressing and agonizing emotional roller coaster I was riding for so long. I'm a generally happy person and I recognize the countless blessings in my life which made this even more bizarre.
I noticed that over the last year or so, it seemed even worse than usual. Asking my husband and close friends to pray for me because of the fear in my mind. I even believed that God may be the one preparing me for some sort of death. How do you prepare yourself for something like this??! I had no comfort or resolution to my issue.
But I prayed and begged God for help. I couldn't live like this for the rest of my life!! I couldn't bare the thought of so randomly and so often being consumed with thoughts of a death sentence to any one of us at any given moment. I believe this constant tension and mental stress played a part in my lack of digestive health as well! I was a mess mentally and physically. And I love Jesus for crying out loud! Why was I dealing with this?!
So this is where my laziness comes in. Now, I have 3 kids. Very young kids at that, so I don't mean laziness as in 'sit on my couch' and literally do nothing all day every day. The laziness I'm referring to is being far less fruitful and productive in my role and responsibility as a wife, mother and general home maker that what should have been happening. I was spending incredible amounts of time on social media and online 'creativity' sites. My time was for sure, consumed with tending to my 'friends' and getting ideas and creative short cuts to tending to things in my house. The problem is, I wasn't tending to my husband and kids OR my home! I had lots of strategies and good ideas, but little was actually being done.
These are some of the scriptures I would pray to God regarding my situation with fear and anxiety...
Psalm 4:1 "Answer me when I call, O God who declares me innocent. {only by of the blood of Jesus} Take away my distress. Have mercy on me and hear my prayer."
Psalm 4:7-8 " Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house; with deepest awe I will worship at your Temple. Lead me in the right path, O Lord, or my enemies will conquer me. {I was my own enemy!} Tell me clearly what to do, and show me which way to turn."
So as December 2012 was coming, I was noticing how much time I was actually wasting being 'productive' on the internet and unproductive in my real daily life. Now, although I'm a total work in progress and God is faithfully continuing the work He's begun in me, I can definitely say that I'm in a place of surrender to the will of the Lord over my life. My true desire is to serve and follow Him with everything in me. But I was blind to this area within myself. No matter who said what, I couldn't see it and it took the Holy Spirit to remove those blinders and let me see this.
December 20th I had a moment alone with the Lord. No kids were around and I was with Him through the Word. I felt this quiet and gentle 'invitation' from God to get off of Facebook. Not just for a day, but to really turn it off and let Him fill that time instead. So BY THE GRACE of God...I simply and gladly accepted. I deactivated my account right then, knowing that I should go with the grace while it was there and not delay.
Then right after that, I began reading the book of Hosea. If you're not familiar with this book of the Bible, it's in the old testament and it's a story of the prophet Hosea. A man who loved God and the Lord instructs him to marry Gomer...a prostitute! {gah!} This was to illustrate to the Israelites {God's people} how they were behaving to Him. They were His, yet they were prostituting themselves away, and destruction/judgement was imminent if they didn't repent and turn from their ways.
So in the most tender of ways, on what I consider a miraculous day....the Lord moved on my heart and made me willing, then spoke to me about how HE saw my situation. The laziness I was recognizing in my own life was actually me prostituting my time and attention away from all that the Lord had given me....including my time with Him! My responsibilities to my family and home are GIFTS from Him that I was treating like second hand "I'll get to it later" type of stuff. The laziness was for sure taking it's toll and since I hadn't recognized and repented from it, destruction and judgement really was on it's way! There was legitimate and biblical explanation for all the anxiety on my mind!
Not only was my family suffering from my lack of fruitfulness and responsibility with what I was given, my relationship with the Lord wasn't what it could have been and I was literally at the door step of some sort of death that would consume me constantly. The mental anxiety and fear I was struggling with for so long was the literal result laziness in my life! Who knew?! {Believe it or not, I have the first verse underlined in my Bible, but obviously didn't have it underlined in my heart.}
Proverbs 21: 25 " The desires of lazy people will be their ruin, for their hands refuse to work."
Proverbs 18:9 "A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things." {ouch!}
So here I was...convinced that 'ruin' was so near, and it actually was! And not because the devil was attacking me, {as it's always to easy to blame the devil for difficulties or trials}, but it was the Lord Himself letting me experience that mental struggle all because I was a lazy person! Wow. That's intense to realize. But even more, it's to realize God's incredible Love and mercy on my life. My Father knew that if He didn't discipline me in this way and allow me to feel the effects of my sin, that I may never become desperate enough to cry out to Him and thus, change!
The laziness might have stayed with me forever to wreak havoc on my family and to never be able to glorify the Lord with my life! The primary way of me glorifying the Lord is serving my family and home. And if the serving part was left out, then what was I doing?! Nothing worthy of giving Him glory! Ah, how sad.
So, as the new year came around and the Lord began speaking to me more and more about how different my life should look, a concern was that it would take so long for these changes to actually happen in me. I was encouraged that I could actually see these issues within myself, but discouraged about how different I wanted to be and how long it might take. But in God's kindness and power, HE is the one changing me, not me changing myself. If we could all just snap a finger and change ourselves, wouldn't we all?! But the willingness He gave me, plus His love has made big changes within weeks of the invitation to get off social media and not be lazy. This is HIS transforming power! And as my laziness has wore off and fruitfulness has come on, another thing has come on....mental PEACE! The solution to laziness, besides a new mindset which comes from the Holy Spirit, is just getting up and doing what you have to do. It's not a matter of doing everything perfectly, but a matter of pursuing excellence while you actually DO the thing! Easy enough?! No wonder we've seen such changes in a matter of weeks....not the years I was expecting to have to wait to see a difference in myself. I'm just finally doing what I have to do, and how great it is!
I noticed how I've been sleeping better and have a tangible difference in my mind and body. I'm not feeling the anxiety and fear of impending 'ruin.' I feel free and I feel LIFE.
Thank you Jesus, I've been delivered from death!
Now, let me explain that for years, I've struggled with anxiety and fear of impending death to my husband, children or even myself. I was absolutely sure that I was about to experience a traumatic/death experience with one of these people that's the closest to my heart. I can't count how many hours of sleep I've lost over it. Sometimes, the thought would quickly enter my mind and I had absolutely no control over it and would just burst into tears! The day would be beautiful...all was well...nothing negative happening, and suddenly the fear would strike and the panic was on. This was truly torture and there was no sensible explanation for this irrational fear. And trying to explain it all here, wouldn't even do justice to the extremely depressing and agonizing emotional roller coaster I was riding for so long. I'm a generally happy person and I recognize the countless blessings in my life which made this even more bizarre.
I noticed that over the last year or so, it seemed even worse than usual. Asking my husband and close friends to pray for me because of the fear in my mind. I even believed that God may be the one preparing me for some sort of death. How do you prepare yourself for something like this??! I had no comfort or resolution to my issue.
But I prayed and begged God for help. I couldn't live like this for the rest of my life!! I couldn't bare the thought of so randomly and so often being consumed with thoughts of a death sentence to any one of us at any given moment. I believe this constant tension and mental stress played a part in my lack of digestive health as well! I was a mess mentally and physically. And I love Jesus for crying out loud! Why was I dealing with this?!
So this is where my laziness comes in. Now, I have 3 kids. Very young kids at that, so I don't mean laziness as in 'sit on my couch' and literally do nothing all day every day. The laziness I'm referring to is being far less fruitful and productive in my role and responsibility as a wife, mother and general home maker that what should have been happening. I was spending incredible amounts of time on social media and online 'creativity' sites. My time was for sure, consumed with tending to my 'friends' and getting ideas and creative short cuts to tending to things in my house. The problem is, I wasn't tending to my husband and kids OR my home! I had lots of strategies and good ideas, but little was actually being done.
These are some of the scriptures I would pray to God regarding my situation with fear and anxiety...
Psalm 4:1 "Answer me when I call, O God who declares me innocent. {only by of the blood of Jesus} Take away my distress. Have mercy on me and hear my prayer."
Psalm 4:7-8 " Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house; with deepest awe I will worship at your Temple. Lead me in the right path, O Lord, or my enemies will conquer me. {I was my own enemy!} Tell me clearly what to do, and show me which way to turn."
So as December 2012 was coming, I was noticing how much time I was actually wasting being 'productive' on the internet and unproductive in my real daily life. Now, although I'm a total work in progress and God is faithfully continuing the work He's begun in me, I can definitely say that I'm in a place of surrender to the will of the Lord over my life. My true desire is to serve and follow Him with everything in me. But I was blind to this area within myself. No matter who said what, I couldn't see it and it took the Holy Spirit to remove those blinders and let me see this.
December 20th I had a moment alone with the Lord. No kids were around and I was with Him through the Word. I felt this quiet and gentle 'invitation' from God to get off of Facebook. Not just for a day, but to really turn it off and let Him fill that time instead. So BY THE GRACE of God...I simply and gladly accepted. I deactivated my account right then, knowing that I should go with the grace while it was there and not delay.
Then right after that, I began reading the book of Hosea. If you're not familiar with this book of the Bible, it's in the old testament and it's a story of the prophet Hosea. A man who loved God and the Lord instructs him to marry Gomer...a prostitute! {gah!} This was to illustrate to the Israelites {God's people} how they were behaving to Him. They were His, yet they were prostituting themselves away, and destruction/judgement was imminent if they didn't repent and turn from their ways.
So in the most tender of ways, on what I consider a miraculous day....the Lord moved on my heart and made me willing, then spoke to me about how HE saw my situation. The laziness I was recognizing in my own life was actually me prostituting my time and attention away from all that the Lord had given me....including my time with Him! My responsibilities to my family and home are GIFTS from Him that I was treating like second hand "I'll get to it later" type of stuff. The laziness was for sure taking it's toll and since I hadn't recognized and repented from it, destruction and judgement really was on it's way! There was legitimate and biblical explanation for all the anxiety on my mind!
Not only was my family suffering from my lack of fruitfulness and responsibility with what I was given, my relationship with the Lord wasn't what it could have been and I was literally at the door step of some sort of death that would consume me constantly. The mental anxiety and fear I was struggling with for so long was the literal result laziness in my life! Who knew?! {Believe it or not, I have the first verse underlined in my Bible, but obviously didn't have it underlined in my heart.}
Proverbs 21: 25 " The desires of lazy people will be their ruin, for their hands refuse to work."
Proverbs 18:9 "A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things." {ouch!}
So here I was...convinced that 'ruin' was so near, and it actually was! And not because the devil was attacking me, {as it's always to easy to blame the devil for difficulties or trials}, but it was the Lord Himself letting me experience that mental struggle all because I was a lazy person! Wow. That's intense to realize. But even more, it's to realize God's incredible Love and mercy on my life. My Father knew that if He didn't discipline me in this way and allow me to feel the effects of my sin, that I may never become desperate enough to cry out to Him and thus, change!
The laziness might have stayed with me forever to wreak havoc on my family and to never be able to glorify the Lord with my life! The primary way of me glorifying the Lord is serving my family and home. And if the serving part was left out, then what was I doing?! Nothing worthy of giving Him glory! Ah, how sad.
So, as the new year came around and the Lord began speaking to me more and more about how different my life should look, a concern was that it would take so long for these changes to actually happen in me. I was encouraged that I could actually see these issues within myself, but discouraged about how different I wanted to be and how long it might take. But in God's kindness and power, HE is the one changing me, not me changing myself. If we could all just snap a finger and change ourselves, wouldn't we all?! But the willingness He gave me, plus His love has made big changes within weeks of the invitation to get off social media and not be lazy. This is HIS transforming power! And as my laziness has wore off and fruitfulness has come on, another thing has come on....mental PEACE! The solution to laziness, besides a new mindset which comes from the Holy Spirit, is just getting up and doing what you have to do. It's not a matter of doing everything perfectly, but a matter of pursuing excellence while you actually DO the thing! Easy enough?! No wonder we've seen such changes in a matter of weeks....not the years I was expecting to have to wait to see a difference in myself. I'm just finally doing what I have to do, and how great it is!
I noticed how I've been sleeping better and have a tangible difference in my mind and body. I'm not feeling the anxiety and fear of impending 'ruin.' I feel free and I feel LIFE.
Thank you Jesus, I've been delivered from death!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
A new year and a new me...
December was an interesting month for me...nothing really crazy or interesting happened, but toward the end of the month I was beginning to feel the Lord stirring somethings up in my heart. I wasn't sure what it was all about but as I was doing my devotional one day, I felt the Lord just 'invite' me to get off facebook for a while. I was gentle but clear and clearly from God, since I do enjoy my social life on facebook. And that was the problem...I enjoyed it a little too much. I was spending quite a bit of time scrolling through people's pages, looking at pictures, and genuinely trying to keep up and be in touch with my almost 1,200 'friends' there. Yes, it was practically everyone I've ever known, haha! {not really, but maybe most of them!}
Yeah trying to keep up with about twelve hundred people took time...time I didn't actually have because I have 4 very special people that needed that time and they weren't getting it! So the offer came for me to just get off FB and see what kind of benefits I would reap. So Feb 20th I deactivated my account. It was monumental for me considering what a normal and very regular part of my day it was....and right before Christmas and New Years?! What timing! My husband would offer me to get off the computer and read or something once in a while, but I was way more interested in seeing who was pregnant, saying happy birthday to so and so, keeping up with old friends, etc. So when I just deactivated the account, it was quite the happy shock to my man. And surprisingly, I felt really good about it, too.
Now, just 3 1/2 weeks later, we are ALL enjoying some serious benefits! Who knew that putting my priorities in line could be so amazing?! {duh} So here are a few things that have changed in my own personal life so far...
I read to my kids. I cuddle with them. I find I have more patience with them {which is seriously needed since they're 5 1/2, almost 4 and 2!} I'm excited to make meals. My house is pretty darn clean. The dishes are pretty much ALWAYS done. I'm actually caught up with laundry {but we all know, that never really ends}. I *see* my husband again. Oh- no, not that he was gone before, but I was too busy with all the other 1200 people to talk to him. {And I see him with a twinkle in my eye, which helps even more!} Yeah it was pretty bad. I'm getting into crafting again. I feel more motivated to exercise. And I've been doing my *daily* devotional AND 'Extreme Woman Makeover' 30-day Challenge....and I'm praying WAY more! This is serious stuff! Imagine everything I just mentioned, but the opposite. Ok, so maybe not 100% opposite, but opposite enough, which is bad.
So, the 30 day woman challenge thing has really put some major biblical language to what I was doing and all the changes I was making in my lifestyle. Being lazy scared me half to death since I was totally being lazy and I see laziness within my own family back round and I knew/know that I would have to be attentive and purposeful in fighting that in myself. I mean, between Facebook and Pinterest, I couldn't even tell you how many hours were wasted literally EVERY single day. And this isn't a bash facebook and pinterest post, if anything a "wow, I had no self control" post...and I still think they both definitely have their benefits. But for me, my family and I were suffering from it being so accessible rather than reaping the benefits. I also knew that I had to quit 'cold turkey' or I wouldn't get such a handle on it the way the Lord and I both desired. So only by the grace of God was I willing to just say goodbye in an instant. Actually I didn't even say goodbye or give any sort of explaination about what I was doing. I just did it. And I felt bad at first, but now I see the wisdom of God in having it that way... I'm sentimental! I might've been totally convinced out of it. So, thank you Lord...for your grace and mercy on me.
I'm praying on whether or not I'll ever get back to the facebook world or not, but as considered it a few days ago, I realized I'm not done reaping the benefits of this quiet and undistracted time.
I pray for courage and willingness to let go of ANYTHING that distracts you of your priorities in life. Ask God to show you if there is and if so, He will give you the grace and peace to move forward in getting things into line.
Love & Blessings,
Melissa
Yeah trying to keep up with about twelve hundred people took time...time I didn't actually have because I have 4 very special people that needed that time and they weren't getting it! So the offer came for me to just get off FB and see what kind of benefits I would reap. So Feb 20th I deactivated my account. It was monumental for me considering what a normal and very regular part of my day it was....and right before Christmas and New Years?! What timing! My husband would offer me to get off the computer and read or something once in a while, but I was way more interested in seeing who was pregnant, saying happy birthday to so and so, keeping up with old friends, etc. So when I just deactivated the account, it was quite the happy shock to my man. And surprisingly, I felt really good about it, too.
Now, just 3 1/2 weeks later, we are ALL enjoying some serious benefits! Who knew that putting my priorities in line could be so amazing?! {duh} So here are a few things that have changed in my own personal life so far...
I read to my kids. I cuddle with them. I find I have more patience with them {which is seriously needed since they're 5 1/2, almost 4 and 2!} I'm excited to make meals. My house is pretty darn clean. The dishes are pretty much ALWAYS done. I'm actually caught up with laundry {but we all know, that never really ends}. I *see* my husband again. Oh- no, not that he was gone before, but I was too busy with all the other 1200 people to talk to him. {And I see him with a twinkle in my eye, which helps even more!} Yeah it was pretty bad. I'm getting into crafting again. I feel more motivated to exercise. And I've been doing my *daily* devotional AND 'Extreme Woman Makeover' 30-day Challenge....and I'm praying WAY more! This is serious stuff! Imagine everything I just mentioned, but the opposite. Ok, so maybe not 100% opposite, but opposite enough, which is bad.
So, the 30 day woman challenge thing has really put some major biblical language to what I was doing and all the changes I was making in my lifestyle. Being lazy scared me half to death since I was totally being lazy and I see laziness within my own family back round and I knew/know that I would have to be attentive and purposeful in fighting that in myself. I mean, between Facebook and Pinterest, I couldn't even tell you how many hours were wasted literally EVERY single day. And this isn't a bash facebook and pinterest post, if anything a "wow, I had no self control" post...and I still think they both definitely have their benefits. But for me, my family and I were suffering from it being so accessible rather than reaping the benefits. I also knew that I had to quit 'cold turkey' or I wouldn't get such a handle on it the way the Lord and I both desired. So only by the grace of God was I willing to just say goodbye in an instant. Actually I didn't even say goodbye or give any sort of explaination about what I was doing. I just did it. And I felt bad at first, but now I see the wisdom of God in having it that way... I'm sentimental! I might've been totally convinced out of it. So, thank you Lord...for your grace and mercy on me.
I'm praying on whether or not I'll ever get back to the facebook world or not, but as considered it a few days ago, I realized I'm not done reaping the benefits of this quiet and undistracted time.
I pray for courage and willingness to let go of ANYTHING that distracts you of your priorities in life. Ask God to show you if there is and if so, He will give you the grace and peace to move forward in getting things into line.
Love & Blessings,
Melissa
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
I'm Behind!
Yes, I'm saying I'm WAY behind on my blogging! Sorry, to whoever reads and keeps up with us! As mostly everyone knows, life is busy!! Especially life with little ones running around! So, it's a unique day...President Obama was voted president of the US again last night. Today, many people I know on facebook were commenting on their sadness or fear. It was interesting timing because I got to see my sweet little #4 in my tummy last night via ultrasound. I saw his/her heart beating so fast and saw that everything seems perfectly healthy. Obviously I'm pretty excited about that not only because my last pregnancy ended "early" you could say, but we just love life. My own children make me want more kids!
So, to see so many people in such unrest- I'm over here celebrating the beautiful blessing the Lord has given me. And I'm reminded that my future...and my children's future is in His hands....no one else. The Lord puts kings and leaders in their positions. He builds them up, and tears them down. GOD is in charge. And thankfully, my trust, my rest and my peace is in Him alone.
I'm not oblivious to the fact that the world around me is changing...and not for the better...but the Word is clear about things getting worse before they get better, before the return of our Lord Jesus. And don't we WANT Him to come back already??! I sure do! And like someone else noted today, knowing that we're serving and following Jesus as our King and Savior, we feel a certain comfort that this is happening in our day while we can help navigate our children's heart for God, so they too will lean on Jesus for their security and hope. What a blessing!!
So we'll see what the next 4 years will look like with this president that the Lord has put in his place, but it will definitely be including another Steinhauer baby! Four year is a long time...my unborn will be just over 3 years old, Olivia will be 5, Naya will be 8 and Stella 9. Wow, what will life look like? Where will we be? I have no answers, and it's ok. I really do trust God.
My prayer is that all my friends whose hope is in the Lord now, would remain strong and courageous. Not shaken by these earthly matters. And for my friends and family who are without their Salvation yet...my heart and prayers are truly for you. That in His mercy, our Lord would reach the hardest and darkest places of your heart and bring you His love. And of course, that you would accept it and become His. It's the best life decisions you could ever make.
Lots of Love...
Saturday, July 28, 2012
School!
We are so excited for this coming school year. September 10th 2012 will be the first day of our new homeschool co-op! Currently we have 5 families who will be participating in this and I will be teaching the preschool-kindergarten kids. And my neighbor and friend Gemma will be teaching the 1st-3rd graders. Stella is super excited to get to leave the house for school, ha! I think she's really excited to get a backpack and lunch box too. Which I think she'll have maybe 2 pencils and a few papers to put in there, but I remember the joy of new school supplies when I was young too, ha!
We have about 2 more meetings to finalize the schedule and other details, and we're needing supplies and kids chairs before we can start.
I'm so grateful that the Lord has provided the curriculum we'll be using called "My Father's World." I just need to get a few supplimental books and supplies and we'll be all set!
It's kinda crazy to me that I have a child starting school already. I know all these years will pass quickly but I'm grateful for them and praying the Lord helps me cherish it all.
We have about 2 more meetings to finalize the schedule and other details, and we're needing supplies and kids chairs before we can start.
I'm so grateful that the Lord has provided the curriculum we'll be using called "My Father's World." I just need to get a few supplimental books and supplies and we'll be all set!
It's kinda crazy to me that I have a child starting school already. I know all these years will pass quickly but I'm grateful for them and praying the Lord helps me cherish it all.
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